6.1.11-6.1.12.... 1 year later...

They say you will never forget where you were when something life altering happens. For my parents, it was things like the death of JFK. For their parents, it was things like the depression, albeit a bit longer than the death of a prominent American President. For me, it used to be 9/11. A freshman in college, in my dorm room, getting ready for my 9:20 history class (coincidence....). That was until June 1 of last year. Because now, I measure things BT and AT. Before tornado... after tornado... It wasn't that I was injured, and thankfully, (luckily?), the building I was in at the time remained standing, unharmed, probably by the grace of god if you know where we were located... I'm not saying this isn't something life altering for people in "tornado alley" who are more, dare I say, accustomed to this, because when it strikes, I KNOW it's life altering. But for a small town in Western Mass, life altering doesn't do it justice....

Tomorrow marks 1 year since the tornado. A lot has changed since then. You can see forever in my small hometown. Parts of it are reminiscent of being in the Midwest, where it's flat for miles. While there are still hills and valleys, the path through them is empty. From the top of the hill, you can see for what feels like forever. It's only a couple miles, but in a town like ours, where most people can barley see their neighbor's house because of the tree cover, a couple of miles feels like a lifetime.

This past year has passed quickly. There were SO many highs and lows to this year, that it's hard to believe it was all packed into 365 days. So much has changed for so many people and still, continues to grow and change. "the tornado" is a topic of conversation in our town any number of times on any given day. The impact on each individual life varies greatly. Some of us have a seemingly unnatural fear of an impending thunderstorm (me, for example) that I hope will continue to diminish as time passes... I know I will continue to be much more cautious, and at least for a while, scared. I'm ok with admitting that.

There are positive things that came from that day.... Strengthened relationships, new ones formed, and a bond that joins each of us who were impacted on that day....

Tomorrow, I will probably listen to my two saved voicemails from one year ago... One from boyfriend, concerned, just trying to find out if I was ok, and one from my dad, who was just down the street at the time of the storm. Running down to see him in the aftermath is something I'll never forget... He should have been driving home and probably directly into the storm...hugging him is a moment I will never forget.

We change constantly. June1, 2011 should have been a simple day. Instead, it is a day that forever changed my life.... In so many ways.

"How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets, in midnights, In cups of coffee. In inches, in miles, in laughter, in strife."

There are plenty of ways to measure this past year... Especially in our small town. We measure progress and growth and change. And tomorrow, we celebrate the passing of 365 days... One year later.

A Different Feel at Fenway

Last night, we went to see the sox play... Yes, again. It seems like we have been there a lot this season. It's really only been 3 times but it really does feel like more than that. Anyway I digress... A few weeks back, on a slightly rainy, chilly Friday night, boyfriend and I sat out in the bleachers, adorned with long sleeves AND sweatshirts, listening to what would be our final game with Carl Beane. A few days later, the greatest ballpark announcer (in my opinion) passed away in a single car crash on the mass pike. Last night, boyfriend and I were again at Fenway, this time in the grandstand behind home plate and much warmer. It was different. I mean, Fenway is the same. The game is the game... Some are clearly better than others... But it was different. It was a familiar voice (still not sure who) but it was different... It's weird because 5 years ago, boyfriend and I, before he was boyfriend, had our first date at Fenway (June 14, 2007). Coincidentally, that date falls on the same day it did as our first date. Unfortunately, due to our work schedules, we won't be able to go... But again, I'm off topic. Over the past 5 years we have been to a number of sox games, all of which Carl Beane was the announcer. It was definitely different last night, and from now on, there will be something just a little bit different at Fenway... But it will forever be the spot where boyfriend and I took our first photo together, shared our first beers and made our first memories...

Goodnight, Carl Beane....

Having been to Fenway only days ago, I feel lucky to have heard his voice twice already this season. The news is teeming with the talk of Carl Beane's passing...we are actually watching Comcast sports net as I type this and they are talking about him. "the voice of Fenway".... Boyfriend and i were just just reminiscing about fenway and how i will miss hearing my favorite name announced this season... Magglio Ordonez. No, not my favorite player, but one of my favorite things to hear at fenway every year.

You are a part of Fenway that will never be forgotten and I am lucky that I spent my first opening day listening to you...

You will be greatly missed by all of the fans of red sox nation....

Goodnight, Carl Beane... Thanks for the memories...

on top of the world

Last Sunday, after a particularly LONG week and equally long "weekend", puppy and I ventured to my parents house Sunday mid morning. We stopped off to drop off a coffee to a friend who was momentarily car-less and sick on top of that and after the dog pestered her small black cats for a bit, we headed to my parents. They have a new puppy- we lost our lab back in mid November and this new guy has been around since shortly after that... So the problem is that my dog and new puppy are not exactly fond of each other. No, that's not quite right... New puppy is very fond of my dog- fond of chasing him,stepping on him and trying to sniff parts of his body that should never be sniffed... That said, my dog is less than thrilled about any of this. We haven't had them around each other too much because of this but I decided to give it a whirl. Uh. Failure. So, our visit was short lived... Very short. With it still being only about 1130-1200, I felt like I needed to do something with my day and I wasn't feeling the gym. In large part due to the fact that I would have had to bring the dog home first then go back to the gym and I wasn't feeling it.... So instead, we went hiking..I hardly ever hike. Scratch that, this mountain is literally less than 2 miles from my arentsnhouse,where I lived for over 20 years, and I have probably been to the top a total of 3 times prior to sunday- if that. So I decided puppy and I were headed up.... Thankfully, I had his harness and leash (those harness things are awesome... Just saying).

While we were hiking, I was listening to some DMB radio on pandora and texting with bestie. While I don't mind that we took the long route,I'm not entirely sure the dog was too thrilled, but he survived. After what seemed like forever, we somehow made a giant circle and still hadn't managed to reach the top... I knew we had probably just walked past the point where you turn to head to the top but I was frustrated. I texted bestie something about not being able to find the top and how I wished she was with me because she would know where to go... Like a great friend and support, she texted back... "don't worry, you'll find it...but getting to the top isn't the most important part"... I smiled as I read it and when I looked up to figure out where we were, we had reached the path to the top... Her support helped me find it, even though it was just some simple encouragement.... While I would have preferred to have her here, I felt like I reached the top with her...

When we did get to the top, puppy and I sat down to take it all in... Ok, I sat. He sniffed around trying to lay claim on every tree branch in existence and I tried to keep him from going a little too far from the edge... It's amazing, to be up there, taller than the trees that you stood beneath only a short time ago... It makes you feel like up here, you could conquer the world. What really amazes me is that despite the mass destruction that ripped through my hometown almost one year ago (6.1.11), from up there, nothing has changed. And yes, I know it's because of the mountains location in relation to where the tornado hit, but when you are up that high, you expect to see everything as it is from the ground...but it just isn't like that. Up there, there is still preservation of the woods and the trees and from up there, everything looks ok...like its all going to be okay...

When you get to the top of this mountain, there is a little mailbox with a notebook in it. People write all kinds of random things in it... There is the ever popular "hiked thisnw the family" with the date and things of that nature... The random stuff that was probably penned by some high school kid about how there is nothing to do in this town blah blah... And some people write about the reasons they hiked the mountain in the first place... I think it's a bit therapeutic to sit and leaf through some of the things people wrote, so puppy and I went and snagged the notebooks (there were 2 this time) and a pen.... I began leafing through the smaller of the two when I came across the writings of my besties family and friends. They had hiked a few monts earlier in memory of her amazing dad and I began to read all the things they had written... When I looked up to contemplate the way this spot, on the top of a mountain, can be so many things to so many people, a butterfly flew down... It hovered for a few minutes and all I could do was smile. I knew what it meant and I couldn't help but feel like so much made sense...

I decided to write in the notebook, after all, is it fair to read the words of others without leaving your own to share? It was nothing much, just a few words about why I was up there at all, along with the date.... As I finished writing, I went to close the second notebook and happened upon a page long note. This note was actually from two people and I decided to read it... There was so much love and certainty contained in these messages, written to each other, on top of the mountain... In a time where we feel so much that nothing is certain, it is comforting to know that up there, on a giant slab of rock, overlooking the world below you, that certainty exists... That somewhere, in the craziness of life, at some point, everything will make sense...

"...it reminds me that no matter how small you feel today, this spot will make you feel on top of the world..." (unknown)

I can't wait to feel on top of the world again this week....

quote me on this....

I spend a lot of my "free" time (I use the term free loosely) reading blogs, searching pinterest for my next craft adventure or something new to whip up for boyfriend and reading quotes. Yes, reading quotes. If you know me, you know of my obsession with them. I am more than willing to admit that they are and object of my obsession. If I can find a way to work a quote into something, I will. Seriously... Sister's wedding programs; quote. facebook status; often a quote. Laying in bed because the hyper-caf (yeah I'm sure it isn't good for me) coffee that I sucked down is keeping me awake; quotes....
I have a little pink notebook that I carry around in my wallet so if the mood strikes and I find a quote I like, or need or simply know I'll want to incorporate into my life at some point, I can write it down. I have documents on my computer and my iPhone dedicated to these quotes. They range from quotes from movies and books to those of inspirational thinkers and those who for so long have wished to remain anonymous. No quote is too small or too long. I find them walking down the sidewalk and sometimes, quote myself. They make me nostalgic for things in the pass, and thoughtful about the things to come. As a teacher, I try to incorporate them into my classroom and instill my love of quotes to my students. I am a firm believer that the right words are always out there, but sometimes, it takes someone else to use them first.
In part, the almost daily rumblings sprung from my love of quotes. Quotes force you to think, sometimes about the things you swear you could do without. Sometimes, the link you to how you feel at an exact moment, in a certain space that you can't seem to correctly convey with other people. Sometimes, they are there just because- no hidden meaning or agenda- just something you felt like you wanted other people to be able to experience.
I have decided to make this part of my personal challenge. To provide readers with something new to think about and just to put out there some of my favorites. As with anything, there are those we fall back on, the ones we know are always the perfect fit. I will share those, as they apply to my day or the topic at hand as well as search out some new favorites.
I have a lot coming up in the next few months. Changes in my family (yay for new babies) and for my friends (babies and weddings and new homes, oh my!) and in my personal life (more on that later), and I feel like I'm going to be seeking out the perfect words more and more often.....

Life doesn't turn out as we expect it to. When we come out into this world, our future seems as smooth and unmarred as virgin snow. It is an illusion, of course, and soon we weave a web of mistakes and failures as much as achievements and triumphs, and become used to walking on broken pavements rather than on paths of gold. It is what makes life so interesting; one quickly learns that one never knows what is going to happen next. [ e. aston ]

memory lane

The other day I drove to a conference in Boston. The conference itself was fine as far as conferences go but it was my drive there the really got me to thinking. I was driving down 91, trying to make my way to 93 (unsuccessfully I might add-although that is another post entirely) and I kept hearing all these songs that were "it" back around my sophomore-senior years of high school, mixed in with a few that bring me back to college and so many ridiculous things. Anyway- what I got to thinking about was how strongly a song can bring you back to a memory. And I'm talking really specific. The Aerosmith song "I don't wanna miss a thing" came on whilst I was trying to merge into some lovely Boston traffic and it took me immediately back to my junior-ish yer of high school and watching that movie on the couch of my then boyfriends uncle's house. Other than the random newsfeed pop ups courtesy of Facebook, our social contact is limited and has been for quite some time. From what I gather, he seems quite happy and he most definitely deserves that, he was a great guy. Due to the fact that we dated ages ago and I harbor no feelings, hard or otherwise, for him, it was incredibly random to be brought back to that time of my life, especially to that specific of a time and place.

The more and more that I got to thinking about it, the more I realized just how much a song can aid in creating a memory. Or in not allowing you to forget the past. Because honestly, there are times when a certain song comes on the radio and you want noting more than to change the station, only to find the same song on another station. Karma? I'm not one of those people who spends the duration of my day listening to the radio or iTunes on repeat- in fact for me, most days I would rather listen to a tv show while I clean or put laundry away or otherwise... But once in a while, a song comes on that brings me back...sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes cry and sometimes, just shake my head in disbelief of things that we thought were a good idea....

Weekend Rituals

Almost everyone I know has some kind of weekend ritual. Whether it consists of a plethora of household chores or 6-hours worth of errands to prep for the week, or even to spend the day catching up on a weeks worth of dvr'd shows that you were too busy to watch during the week, we all have some kind of ritual. Since the recent purchase of my iPad, my weekend ritual has changed slightly. Actually, now that i think about it, this ritual change started in California (shocker).

I am a coffee drinker, though not as addicted to coffee as some people that I associate with, but none the less, I have no problem hitting up the dunks drive through on any given morning. However, upon descending into LAX, I was met with the issue of there not being a dunks. Enter bestie and her daily coffee from 7-11 ritual. Thanks to bestie, I discovered a few things:

1. Coffee at 7-11 (or any such establishment) is cheap! (read: under $1.50 for a large coffee)
2. Your coffee is ALWAYS made to order, you don't ever have to send it back and there is no bitchy sales clerk who inadvertently gives you the next customer's order

Flash forward 6 days, back to MA and needing a coffee fix. Since skipping the dunks for a week, I made the decision to try the cumby's at the end of my street. Enter the $.99 coffee, made my way, every time. Enter new ritual.

There really was a point to this back story! Since the new adoption of the .99 coffee, and the new iPad, I have created quite the ritual for myself. Typically on Sunday's (that seems to be the only consistent day of rest in my little corner of the world) I get up when boyfriend gets up to get ready for work. Armed with $1.05 (there is tax on said coffee) I head up to cumby's in my sweats and make myself a coconut coffee (iced or hot, depending on the weather). I laught a little every time I make my coffee (black)because my grandmother once told me that if it isn't black coffee, it's not worth drinking. She heard it from her grandmother and I suppose I'll pass it on as well (thanks, meme're). So anyway... I go get my coffee, come back and snuggle up with coors puppy, either back in bed or on the couch. We spend the next hour or so catching up on blogs, looking for new recipies, perusing Pinterest and enjoying my perfectly made, money saving coffee. And, thanks to today's early morning ritual, I am armed with a new crock-pot recipie, have had my caffeine fix and have saved some money in the process.

It really is the perfect way to spend the early part of the morning.

What is your weekend ritual? How do you spend your much needed and deserved (few mintutes) of "me" time?