Almost everyone I know has some kind of weekend ritual. Whether it consists of a plethora of household chores or 6-hours worth of errands to prep for the week, or even to spend the day catching up on a weeks worth of dvr'd shows that you were too busy to watch during the week, we all have some kind of ritual. Since the recent purchase of my iPad, my weekend ritual has changed slightly. Actually, now that i think about it, this ritual change started in California (shocker).
I am a coffee drinker, though not as addicted to coffee as some people that I associate with, but none the less, I have no problem hitting up the dunks drive through on any given morning. However, upon descending into LAX, I was met with the issue of there not being a dunks. Enter bestie and her daily coffee from 7-11 ritual. Thanks to bestie, I discovered a few things:
1. Coffee at 7-11 (or any such establishment) is cheap! (read: under $1.50 for a large coffee)
2. Your coffee is ALWAYS made to order, you don't ever have to send it back and there is no bitchy sales clerk who inadvertently gives you the next customer's order
Flash forward 6 days, back to MA and needing a coffee fix. Since skipping the dunks for a week, I made the decision to try the cumby's at the end of my street. Enter the $.99 coffee, made my way, every time. Enter new ritual.
There really was a point to this back story! Since the new adoption of the .99 coffee, and the new iPad, I have created quite the ritual for myself. Typically on Sunday's (that seems to be the only consistent day of rest in my little corner of the world) I get up when boyfriend gets up to get ready for work. Armed with $1.05 (there is tax on said coffee) I head up to cumby's in my sweats and make myself a coconut coffee (iced or hot, depending on the weather). I laught a little every time I make my coffee (black)because my grandmother once told me that if it isn't black coffee, it's not worth drinking. She heard it from her grandmother and I suppose I'll pass it on as well (thanks, meme're). So anyway... I go get my coffee, come back and snuggle up with coors puppy, either back in bed or on the couch. We spend the next hour or so catching up on blogs, looking for new recipies, perusing Pinterest and enjoying my perfectly made, money saving coffee. And, thanks to today's early morning ritual, I am armed with a new crock-pot recipie, have had my caffeine fix and have saved some money in the process.
It really is the perfect way to spend the early part of the morning.
What is your weekend ritual? How do you spend your much needed and deserved (few mintutes) of "me" time?
3.25.2012
3.15.2012
on a more serious note.... Addiction
While on vacation, bestie and I had some long talks about everything and nothing, some were really about nothing important or life changing and others were much more in depth and important. We got to talking about relationships, both good and bad and ultimately to talking about addictions- the transition from point a to point b is actually a much more direct route than one might expect. Ultimately, the how and why we got there are less important than some of the things that have since tuck in my mind about it.
Everyone is an addict
Long and short of it is that we are all addicts in our own right. The problem with something like addiction is that we are taught, often from a pretty young age, that addiction revolves around things that are illegal or ore wise bad for us. And in part, that is certainly true. Alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs. These are some of the basic things we most often associate with addiction. And rightly so- these things are all around us and are in our world on an almost daily basis. And while not everyone is addicted to one of the aforementioned things, we are all addicts. Some are food addicts. Some are shopping addicts. Some get a thrill from shopping on e-bay or qvc and others from going into a store and dropping a boat load on shit they don't need. some people are addicted to keeping things and never throwing them away- yes, hoarding. Ultimately, we are all victim to an addiction. It is in our nature to have something we can't go a day without. It's not a far cry to say that as a society we have become addicted to social networking- it too is an addiction. We are addicted to cellular telephones, computers and the like. Like it or not, we are all addicts.
It's not unusual for us to deny our addictions.
True, some of these are part of a phase of our lives that may or may not stick with us, but most people deny them. I know far too many teenagers who firmly believe that they are not addicted to smoking pot. But ask them tongoma day without it, without thinking or talking or craving it- most cannot. They are addicted. And for many of these teenagers, it has taken over their lives to the capacity that they cannot see that they have in fact become the worst version of themselves. Addiction at its best. Claiming who we are capable of being and turning us into a variety of different things. Chameleons- destined to change with the people they hang out with on any given day. These people baffle me, in part because I find it hard to believe that you don't realize that you no longer have a true identity. Perhaps that is because I have never been in that situation before...
Addiction does not only affect the addict.
Truth be told it is often the addict who is least affected. Addicts often do not see the error of their ways and if they do, don't often care, or give the impression that they don't care. The people around them- family members, co-workers, teammates- they are all directly affected by the addict. It may be small things such as dropping the ball on a work project leaving your co worker to cover your ass or it may be more intense, life altering things such as car accidents or worse. In no way are those in the life of an addict sparred because they aren't the one addicted. Life becomes consumed with worry about the addict, and for the addict. Often times family members find themselves trying to solve the problems of their loved one (said addict) often to no avail. It is often not until the metaphorical rug is ripped out from underneath us that others come to the realization that there is a problem. The metaphorical rug is often a small mishap, but unfortunately can be something much more life altering.
I would like to say that I believe the first step is admitting you have a problem, and to some extent that is true. I think more importantly the first step is not a single step. It is not something that can stand on its own. It is a series of initial steps that ultimately lead to the recovery and hopefully the road to a better life. I am in no way saying you have to believe me on this but I firmly believe that the first steps to getting better are this:
Acknowledging that you have an addiction and that this is an illness.
Too often, we call it a problem but to me, a problem has a quick fix and should not continue to be a problem. A problem is a squeaky door. Hit it up with dorm WD40. Problem solved. Addiction is a much longer process and just because you are "clean" doesn't mean you don't still suffer from the effects of the addiction.
Accepting help.
I don't care who you R of what you are addicted to, everyone needs a support system. Do not shut these people out. Especially the ons holding your hand. Easier said than done but you will know who to weed out- those who promote addictive behaviors, those who do not accept you for the changes you are making to your life. Some will weed themselves out simply because they cannot stand to be around someone who isn't sharing in their addiction. Wave goodbye and don't look back.
Taking it all one day at a time.
We all know "Rome wasn't build in a day". Neither is fighting addiction. You can't do it alone and you certainly can't flip a switch. Commit to it. With the right attitude and supports in place, anything is possible.
Write it down.
Your triggers. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your moments you want to scream at the world. Down the road, when you have a day where you feel like all hope is lost, you will have these bad days to look back on and to help you realize how far you have come.
We are all addicted to something, some of us to many things, some of us more than others. It's what we choose to do with it that makes or breaks us down....
Everyone is an addict
Long and short of it is that we are all addicts in our own right. The problem with something like addiction is that we are taught, often from a pretty young age, that addiction revolves around things that are illegal or ore wise bad for us. And in part, that is certainly true. Alcohol, marijuana, prescription drugs. These are some of the basic things we most often associate with addiction. And rightly so- these things are all around us and are in our world on an almost daily basis. And while not everyone is addicted to one of the aforementioned things, we are all addicts. Some are food addicts. Some are shopping addicts. Some get a thrill from shopping on e-bay or qvc and others from going into a store and dropping a boat load on shit they don't need. some people are addicted to keeping things and never throwing them away- yes, hoarding. Ultimately, we are all victim to an addiction. It is in our nature to have something we can't go a day without. It's not a far cry to say that as a society we have become addicted to social networking- it too is an addiction. We are addicted to cellular telephones, computers and the like. Like it or not, we are all addicts.
It's not unusual for us to deny our addictions.
True, some of these are part of a phase of our lives that may or may not stick with us, but most people deny them. I know far too many teenagers who firmly believe that they are not addicted to smoking pot. But ask them tongoma day without it, without thinking or talking or craving it- most cannot. They are addicted. And for many of these teenagers, it has taken over their lives to the capacity that they cannot see that they have in fact become the worst version of themselves. Addiction at its best. Claiming who we are capable of being and turning us into a variety of different things. Chameleons- destined to change with the people they hang out with on any given day. These people baffle me, in part because I find it hard to believe that you don't realize that you no longer have a true identity. Perhaps that is because I have never been in that situation before...
Addiction does not only affect the addict.
Truth be told it is often the addict who is least affected. Addicts often do not see the error of their ways and if they do, don't often care, or give the impression that they don't care. The people around them- family members, co-workers, teammates- they are all directly affected by the addict. It may be small things such as dropping the ball on a work project leaving your co worker to cover your ass or it may be more intense, life altering things such as car accidents or worse. In no way are those in the life of an addict sparred because they aren't the one addicted. Life becomes consumed with worry about the addict, and for the addict. Often times family members find themselves trying to solve the problems of their loved one (said addict) often to no avail. It is often not until the metaphorical rug is ripped out from underneath us that others come to the realization that there is a problem. The metaphorical rug is often a small mishap, but unfortunately can be something much more life altering.
I would like to say that I believe the first step is admitting you have a problem, and to some extent that is true. I think more importantly the first step is not a single step. It is not something that can stand on its own. It is a series of initial steps that ultimately lead to the recovery and hopefully the road to a better life. I am in no way saying you have to believe me on this but I firmly believe that the first steps to getting better are this:
Acknowledging that you have an addiction and that this is an illness.
Too often, we call it a problem but to me, a problem has a quick fix and should not continue to be a problem. A problem is a squeaky door. Hit it up with dorm WD40. Problem solved. Addiction is a much longer process and just because you are "clean" doesn't mean you don't still suffer from the effects of the addiction.
Accepting help.
I don't care who you R of what you are addicted to, everyone needs a support system. Do not shut these people out. Especially the ons holding your hand. Easier said than done but you will know who to weed out- those who promote addictive behaviors, those who do not accept you for the changes you are making to your life. Some will weed themselves out simply because they cannot stand to be around someone who isn't sharing in their addiction. Wave goodbye and don't look back.
Taking it all one day at a time.
We all know "Rome wasn't build in a day". Neither is fighting addiction. You can't do it alone and you certainly can't flip a switch. Commit to it. With the right attitude and supports in place, anything is possible.
Write it down.
Your triggers. Your thoughts. Your feelings. Your moments you want to scream at the world. Down the road, when you have a day where you feel like all hope is lost, you will have these bad days to look back on and to help you realize how far you have come.
We are all addicted to something, some of us to many things, some of us more than others. It's what we choose to do with it that makes or breaks us down....
3.09.2012
Coming Home (a few weeks removed)
What a long short few days. It's crazy how being away can seem like you were there forever but when you really stop to think about it, you were barely there at all. Overall, in only a few short days, I managed to learn a few things about LA and about myself in general.
1. You have not experienced traffic until you have been to LA.
I mean this. I have been to Boston at rush hour during a home sox game. I have driven through NYC. This, however, is a far different experience and probably what would deter me from
moving to LA in the first place. I used to laugh when I talked to bestie and she was complaining about traffic being nuts. I've been on 495 south on a Friday afternoon. It couldn't be worse could it? It is. It is 495 south, on a Friday afternoon in mid July, all the damn time.
2. All you THINK you know about he pacific ocean? It's a lie.
No seriously. I thought a. it is always warm and sunny in southern California and yes, I did have above 70 degree weather every day. But the ocean?! That shit is cold. And no, not Maine cold, but a lot colder than I anticipated. Yes, I still put my feet in and unfortunately, most of my pant legs with it but I also put my feet in the Atlantic, in Maine, in December. I'm tapped and I'm ok with that (perhaps a polar plunge soon?) but seriously, it's cold.
No seriously. I thought a. it is always warm and sunny in southern California and yes, I did have above 70 degree weather every day. But the ocean?! That shit is cold. And no, not Maine cold, but a lot colder than I anticipated. Yes, I still put my feet in and unfortunately, most of my pant legs with it but I also put my feet in the Atlantic, in Maine, in December. I'm tapped and I'm ok with that (perhaps a polar plunge soon?) but seriously, it's cold.
3. Everyday, YOU deserve some "me" time and that "me" time should be used.
Everyone knows you need time to yourself. it's no secret. no matter the length of time in a relationship, if you're in one or not, what your job, what your lifestyle. you need me time. and i'm not talking time to run around and do errands and pick up groceries and do things for other people but be alone in your car while you're doing it. after this trip, i know the real meaning of "me time". It consists of time doing what YOU want to do for YOU. reading, writing, curled up in a ball on the couch sipping coffee and blogging, dancing around your living room to some crazy 80's punk band. coloring in a coloring book with a pack of brand new crayola's (because seriously, what else is there?). whist in california, i had the opportunity to really take me time. when bestie had to work, i got to sit out on the porch and read, drink coffee, eat lollipops (they, much like the threaded friendship bracelet, are making a comeback). i took a lot of me time. being with my bestie was much needed me time, in and of itself. but since being home, i have made it a point to spend a few minutes every day, doing what i want to do. lately, it's been reading or coloring while drinking some hot water with lemon (another cali pick up- thanks bean). it might be 15 minutes a day, it might be an hour and 15 minutes a day and it might be 5 minutes. but i've done it, just about every day since i've been back. some days, there hasn't been time for me time because things needed to be done and for once, that was okay. i didn't feel like i HAD to do them. chances are, unless some fairy godmother cleaning squad comes flying out of the sky, the laundry that's there today, is still going to be there tomorrow and no one is going to judge me if i haven't folded it yet... and finally, i'm okay with that. we spend so much time trying to please everyone else that we forget that making everyone else happy can only happen if WE are happy... and that starts with "me" time.
4. it's okay to go away and it's okay to want to come home, and it's okay to miss the people you love in between.
being gone from home is a strange thing when you have a routine. when you wake up next to the same person, every day, and you cook dinner each night and one of you gets the drinks while the other puts the food on plates, and you know how you'll sleep at night if one of you went to bed before the other... it's strange to leave and to go away and to not have that person, that part of your routine, with you for the time you're away. as women especially, we feel like we have to leave lists and notes and charts and that without us, things will surely fall apart. and no disrespect to men, but sometimes, you give us the impression that you don't have a clue as to what goes on each day to make things run smoothly... and then, we go away and you surprise us. it's not that i doubt boyfriend's ability to remember to take out the trash on friday mornings at the crack of dawn b/c the trash men cannot decided if they prefer to pick up the trash at 7am or at 12pm. it's not that i doubt his ability to remember to feed the dog, except that when asked, sometimes i get the impression that he goes momentarily deaf. he knows how to do a load of laundry and has never turned anything pink that wasn't supposed to be and when it comes down to it, i know he can steer the ship as well as i can... it's okay to step away, to not be in control. and it's okay to want to come home. after a period of time away, it's normal to miss the everyday life and the routine, despite creating a new routine while away. it's okay to miss your significant other, your kids (i don't have any but expect that if i did, it would be hardest to leave them) and your pets. that's OK. taking time for yourself and going away alone allows you time to reflect on all the different aspects of your life. distance really does make the heart grow fonder and sometimes, we all need a little time away to remember how good it feels to be home.
5. i've said it before and i'll say it again... California (and probably many travel destinations) changes you...
no hidden message here... i'm different. i didn't believe that i would be and i didn't believe it when bestie told me it would happen. it happened to her. it happened to her previous guests and it happened to me. it's not a big thing, and probably not something a lot of people would know unless you told them (ahem. spolier alert?) but it changes you. you realize that coffee tastes just as good when it costs $1 and is made the right way, that doing things you loved as a kid are great ways to spend some alone time, and putting on your favorite songs and singing at the top of your lungs at least once per day is okay. it's kind of comforting to know that you can alter small things about yourself and in turn, feel that you're closer to becoming who envision yourself to be.
3.06.2012
It's All About Attitude
So today is technically day 2 of my journey to SoCal (although if you are reading this, its well past day 2). Today my bestie had some work things to attend to so we headed down to Beverly Hills so she could head to her work thing and so I had somewhere to explore. I spent the better part of an hour in a cozy seat outside the coffee bean (they dot the streets like dunkin donuts in MA). I brought my kindle as any well prepared, "dining alone" individual would come well prepared with, and I sat and read/sipped my mocha latte/people watched and thus began the basis of this post.
Beverly Hills, while certainly a life style in and of itself, is an attitude. It's glitzy and glamorous, yes; and the stores exude this "please don't walk in here without the triple platinum card" but it's all about how you walk around. And, people who live here don't care. Which makes it that much easier to exude confidence in a place where it is easy to have none.
The thing about beverly hills, and about LA in general is how nice people are. I'm not going to lie, it was the absolute last thing I expected. In a place teeming with movie stars and celebs, no one has to be nice. But they are. Even when you are cutting them off in traffic. And trust me when I say that they make Massachusetts drivers look like saints.
The craziest thing about the LA attitude is that no matter who you are, what you wear, what your job, LA changes your attitude....
About everything.
*post LA note: when someone says "la will change you" just believe them. they aren't big things, they are tiny little things that are unrecognizable to the naked eye but none the less, they are changes and if you're lucky, they are not only positive changes but things that you will carry with you for the rest of your life....
Beverly Hills, while certainly a life style in and of itself, is an attitude. It's glitzy and glamorous, yes; and the stores exude this "please don't walk in here without the triple platinum card" but it's all about how you walk around. And, people who live here don't care. Which makes it that much easier to exude confidence in a place where it is easy to have none.
The thing about beverly hills, and about LA in general is how nice people are. I'm not going to lie, it was the absolute last thing I expected. In a place teeming with movie stars and celebs, no one has to be nice. But they are. Even when you are cutting them off in traffic. And trust me when I say that they make Massachusetts drivers look like saints.
The craziest thing about the LA attitude is that no matter who you are, what you wear, what your job, LA changes your attitude....
About everything.
*post LA note: when someone says "la will change you" just believe them. they aren't big things, they are tiny little things that are unrecognizable to the naked eye but none the less, they are changes and if you're lucky, they are not only positive changes but things that you will carry with you for the rest of your life....
3.02.2012
blogging on a plane....
*note... this post was written over a week ago, on a plane, as i was on my way to LA....
Air travel is probably one of the most overpriced conveniences of the world. Think about it. You, along with the roughly 160 other passengers on your flight, or more depending on your airline/trip etc, pay an exorbinate amount of money simply to get places faster. Don't misjudge- I have no problem packing a bag and hoping on a plane with the best of 'em but I think it says something about us, as a society, and our inabilities to do anything slowly anymore.
I remember growing up, which in all reality wasn't THAT long ago, and having weekends where everyone, the whole family, was home together. We did things together if we wanted to, not because we had planned them months in advance. Where did that go? Now, weekends are inundated with soccer games and dance competitions and this gathering or that tournament. The weekend exists so that we can say "yay, I have the weekend off" but it is rarely, if ever anymore, a time of relaxation.
But, all this hustle and bustle has taken away from the good old fashioned road trip. Today, flying is the norm rather than the exception. I used to get so excited to go on a plane (oh who am I kidding, I still do) but now, I would pay good money for a road trip. A chance to see the US and to visit ballparks and random points of interest. To spend hours belting out off-key ballads and to spend time talking and being okay with getting lost. A chance to relax and enjoy the company of my loved ones, to fight incessantly with my siblings and to bother my parents with endless rounds of "I have to pee" and "are we there yet"...
But for me, as with so many people today, time is off the essence and getting there faster has become more important than the act of traveling itself. So as my flights begins its descend into the Los Angeles area (current temp 65 and a nice change from the 20 it was when I left at 5am), I am going to make it a point to slow down, relax, enjoy the new stuff around me and the company of my bestie <3 and while I am sure I'll miss my boys, it is going to be so nice to be away...
* post trip note: it was for sure, one of the most relaxing weeks i can EVER remember... thank you bestie... I can't wait to experience that type of clarity and relaxation again, be it in Cali or elsewhere...
Air travel is probably one of the most overpriced conveniences of the world. Think about it. You, along with the roughly 160 other passengers on your flight, or more depending on your airline/trip etc, pay an exorbinate amount of money simply to get places faster. Don't misjudge- I have no problem packing a bag and hoping on a plane with the best of 'em but I think it says something about us, as a society, and our inabilities to do anything slowly anymore.
I remember growing up, which in all reality wasn't THAT long ago, and having weekends where everyone, the whole family, was home together. We did things together if we wanted to, not because we had planned them months in advance. Where did that go? Now, weekends are inundated with soccer games and dance competitions and this gathering or that tournament. The weekend exists so that we can say "yay, I have the weekend off" but it is rarely, if ever anymore, a time of relaxation.
But, all this hustle and bustle has taken away from the good old fashioned road trip. Today, flying is the norm rather than the exception. I used to get so excited to go on a plane (oh who am I kidding, I still do) but now, I would pay good money for a road trip. A chance to see the US and to visit ballparks and random points of interest. To spend hours belting out off-key ballads and to spend time talking and being okay with getting lost. A chance to relax and enjoy the company of my loved ones, to fight incessantly with my siblings and to bother my parents with endless rounds of "I have to pee" and "are we there yet"...
But for me, as with so many people today, time is off the essence and getting there faster has become more important than the act of traveling itself. So as my flights begins its descend into the Los Angeles area (current temp 65 and a nice change from the 20 it was when I left at 5am), I am going to make it a point to slow down, relax, enjoy the new stuff around me and the company of my bestie <3 and while I am sure I'll miss my boys, it is going to be so nice to be away...
* post trip note: it was for sure, one of the most relaxing weeks i can EVER remember... thank you bestie... I can't wait to experience that type of clarity and relaxation again, be it in Cali or elsewhere...
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